I will not play tug-of-war with Bryan's underwear

when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur

BEFORE entering the house.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining

pieces of clean carpet in the house

when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick Bryan's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Denise up by sticking my cold,

wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew Bryan's toothbrush and not tell him.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell.

I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal Ashley's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.

The sofa is not a face towel.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.